Friday, 12 February 2010

In Passing

Monty Python’s Global Warming


Or, what we’d be laughing at, provided the Pythons were (1) still in business, and (2) hadn’t morphed into a bunch of hidebound “progressives”.[1]

Ladies and gentlemen, scripted by AoS commenter “Merovign, Strong on His Mountain,” I give you The BBC Interview:

Interviewer:  It looks like we’re talking about fraud here.

Dr. Dingleberry:  Why, these are just mistakes, mind you mistakes that should have never got through the process. (waves hands)

Interviewer:  That’s a lot of mistakes you got there.

Dr. Dingleberry:  But if we’re not frauds, the consequences could be dire for all mankind and the spotted dick, so you have to keep giving us grant money.

Interviwer:  But your crappy predictions not only aren’t true, but they’re being shown as based on random nonsense in student papers, not actual studies.

Dr. Dingleberry:  That’s just another isolated incident...

Interviewer:  And another, which you yourself were implicated in...

Dr. Dingleberry:  I was wearing a blindfold and earmuffs at the time!  And it’s only a small part of our frau... I mean data!  So I wasn’t to blame for this IPCC nonsense!

Interviewer:  What about this glacier bullpuckey?

Dr. Dingleberry:  Yes, that’s the 9th Fundamental Mistake that I’m going to deign to admit to other people making.

Interviewer:  But he made it all up and took people’s money for it.

Dr. Dingleberry:  Yes, but we need to understand this phenomenon we’ve made up, that’s increasing and dangery.

Interviewer:  But the people who pointed out the mistake you just admitted was made say:  That’s cods-wallop - it’s not increasing.  And it’s been going on for a hundred years - before significant human influence.  And some glaciers are growing.

Dr. Dingleberry:  Well, despite the fact that I just said that shrinking glaciers are a sign of AGW, I’m now going to say that if AGW were true, you would also expect them to grow.  Or shrink.  At any rate.  Just to cover my bases.

Interviewer:  And y’all have had to admit your Kilimanjaro codswallop isn’t AGW either.

Dr. Dingleberry:  Well, I'll admit that, and retract my admission, pretty much simultaneously, because while our claims were false, they were true.

Interviewer:  Al Gore likes you because you’re on board with this IPCC thing.

Dr. Dingleberry:  Why yes, I was the author, the chair, responsible for that...

Interviewer:  Didn’t you just disclaim responsibility for that?

Dr. Dingleberry:  Oh, Snap!

Interviewer:  You once told us that temperature would increase 6 degrees in the century.

Dr. Dingleberry:  Hedge hedge hedge.  Oh, and we’re all going to die.

Interviewer:  You have a deep vested interest.

Dr. DIngleberry:  No I don’t.

Interviewer:  Yes you do.

Dr. Dingleberry:  No I don’t!

Interviewer:  Look, You’ve tied yourself to this agenda, and you keep admitting these mistakes...

Dr. Dingleberry:  No, it’s just a few bad sentences in a whole lot of other truthy words

Interviewer:  Just the WWF bungfancy is 40 different things...

Dr. Dingleberry:  But it’s truthy!

Lanky Wanker:  You’re so mean, interviewer guy.  Every scientist agrees that there’s no question that they shouldn’t be questioned.

Interviewer:  Bullpuckey and good night, I’m off to watch American Idol.

-----
[1]  Once upon a time The Pythons recognized absurdity, regardless of its source.  And we had to walk two miles up hill in the snow every day going and coming.  (Come to think of it, we had to do that today!)  Ah well, happy days!

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